Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Another Kardashian wedding!

Publication: OK!
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Getting all the Kardashian stuff out of the way early, we have OK! saying Kourtney and her longtime boyfriend/scumbag Scott Disick are going to get married.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kristin's wedding is back on!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Only one supermarket rag is still interested in ex-reality TV star Kristin Cavallari, and that's Weekly Life & Style. They had a story in May about her getting in engaged, a story in August about her groom getting cold feet and a third story now about the wedding being back on.

I agree with the editorial position of the other nine of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. I do not give a rat's ass what happens to Kristin Cavallari.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Britney wedding news!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Earlier this month, Britney Spears called boyfriend Jason Trawick her husband in a radio interview, and several gossip sources are trying to turn this into proof she will soon marry. The couple says they have no such plans.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jessica pregnant bride!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jessica Simpson is not a supermarket rag superstar. This will be her 13th cover story this year, mostly about her marrying the wrong guy and having struggles with her weight. For the second week in a row, the two stories intertwine with the rumors that this time, her struggle with weight is because she is heavy with child. She has not confirmed or denied this latest flurry yet.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Pippa engaged!

Publication: People
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

People says Pippa Middleton is engaged. I have not found independent confirmation.

I would hate to see People become as unreliable as OK!

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Jen!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged upcoming wedding this week, but only In Touch makes it the biggest story on the cover. Here are the headlines.

• Inside the romantic proposal
• A "unique" and "meaningful" ring
• She calls Justin her "soul mate"
• Finally! A long-time friend shares how they fell in love on the set!

Maybe it's just me, but seeing so many quotation marks around words makes it hard to take this story at face value.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen's wedding in Mexico!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of gossip stars make multiple appearances on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, with very different versions of their lives being told.

Let's start at the top with Jennifer Aniston. OK! says she's getting ready for a wedding in Mexico and the headline under her picture reads 'Brad won't ruin my big day'.

Her current beau is not named or is there a picture of him, so I run this picture of Jen and Brad from happier times.

Or from the time when he was a sluggard stoner couch potato and she was no help.

It all depends on who you talk to and when.

Weekly World News alert: O.J.'s hush-hush prison wedding!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Sun didn't have a useful headline this week, but it was close. It said Nostradamus had predictions for 2012, but it gave nothing specific on the cover and I don't open these magazines up.

On the other hand, the Weekly World News did have a headline worth reporting, a story about O.J. Simpson's "hush-hush" wedding inside prison. The sub-headline reads "You'll never guess who the bride is!"

Again, I didn't open the magazine up, but factoring in that it's reported in the Weekly World News, my guess would be the bride is O.J.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert: Angie plans to ruin Jen's wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2001

OK!, the most positive scandal rag if not the most reliable, doubles down on the cover story with two unsubstantiated rumors, the marriage plans of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, allegedly planning to wed in December, AND the wedding plans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Of course, their take in the situation is that the witch Angelina is planning on getting married just to ruin Jennifer's wedding.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The stories of the reconciling of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are just a few weeks old and Weekly Life & Style has a headline that reads "Justin & Jessica: Finally a wedding".

Color me unconvinced.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Teresa renews her vows with jailbird Joe.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Teresa Giudice, she of the low forehead and scary eyebrows, is renewing her vows with her husband Joe, who is supposed to be heading to The Big House, if memory serves. Here are the headlines.

• A wedding to save the relationship
• Exclusive photos
• Despite Joe's drunken bullying, Teresa refuses to leave him.
• Inside their emotional - over-the-top second wedding
  

Tammy Wynette would be proud.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bundle of Joy alert: Chaz Bono wedding and adoption plans.

Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

This story does not mention Dancing With The Stars, but I assume Chaz Bono will be getting more stories in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter as long as he is part of that competition. The Star reports on his wedding plans to longtime girlfriend Jennifer Elia and their plans to adopt.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Elin's getting married!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Usually, the nicest stories in the gossip rags are weddings and babies, so Elin Nordegren finding a new fella should be a positive story. But this is the Enquirer, the nastiest gossip rag around, so they have to add the tagline "Tiger's outrage!" to put this story in the negative column.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Least interesting story of the week: Kourtney says "yes" to Scott.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick make their return to the covers of the supermarket rags, but only as an afterthought. Weekly Life & Style has a big picture of Kim Kardashian and her new hubby Kris Humphries on the cover and a single headline with no picture that reads "Plus: Kourtney says 'yes' to Scott".



I'm not sure if the quotation marks around 'yes' are meant to signify an actual quote or some ironic comment by the headline writers.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Lady Gaga's secret wedding.

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!



The Enquirer has a story that Lady Gaga is going to have a secret wedding and tells you, the reader, how you can attend.



This story is odd for several reasons. Let me list them.

1. This is the first time the Enquirer has mentioned Lady Gaga this decade. She's really not aimed at their demographic.
2. It's a generally positive story from the Meanest Tabloid In The United States.
3. If the wedding is a secret, how can any old person in a supermarket checkout line attend?

As odd as the story was, I didn't open the rag up to find the answer to the last question.

Bells are Ringing Alert™ and Love Bird Alert: Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds yet again.

Publications: OK!, Star

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two magazines once again want to make more of the Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds friendship, though the story has been denied in the past. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Sandra & Ryan getting married
  
  Exclusive photos & details of their secret getaway
  
  Ryan's acting like a dad.
  
  Inside their hush-hush romance
• OK!: Sandra & Ryan: Together again
  
  new pics inside
  
  

The picture on the cover of Star that looks paternal is Sandra and Ryan hiking with little Louis being carried by him instead of her.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen and Eva plan their weddings

Publication: OK!, Us Weekly

Date: 29 August 2011



The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are not being as obsessive about Kim Kardashian's wedding this weekend as they were about the Wills'N'Kate's big to-do, but there are a passel of stories about wedding that have just recently happened or are about to happen or are at least being rumored.



OK! says Jennifer Aniston is planning to get married and Us Weekly says Jen and Justin (Theroux) are talking marriage. Her reps say this is just a rumor.

OK! says Eva Longoria is planning to get married. Her reps say this is just a rumor.



As I have written before, OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but not the most reliable.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: Trouble for three soon to be brides.

Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star devotes most of the cover to three soon to be brides and the troubles that face them.

Christina: Secret ceremony

Jessica: Panic, tears and cold feet

Kim Last-minute dramatic texts from her ex!



There are also pink dots between the stories that have these headlines.

• Guess who's being betrayed by her man
• Revealed! Find out who's pregnant
  
  

Stay classy, Star!

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Three headlines about Saturday's wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, OK!, Star

Date: 29 August 2011



We are less than 72 hours from the wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries this Saturday, August 20, and the wedding is the biggest story of the week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with three magazine headlines and a fourth where she is part of a trio of soon to be brides. Here are the solo stories.

• Us Weekly: Kim's big day
  
  three wedding dresses
• OK!: exclusive interview complete coverage
  
  Kim weds!
  
  Gorgeous photos
  
  Touching gifts
  
  'Vera Wang made the perfect dress'
• Weekly Life & Style: Wedding of the year!
  
  All the romantic details
  
  two stunning Vera Wang gowns and a $15,000 cake
  
  Celebrating with 720 bottles of wine
  
  Kim in tears after Kris' touching promise
  
  Official interview: "Now I want babies!"

Notice that the magazines can't even agree on how many gowns there are, but they do agree that Vera Wang made them all. As for "Wedding of the Year!", there were six stories about Wills and Kate the Thursday before they got hitched, and I'm absolutely certain this wedding is not going to create a new tabloid person of interest like Pippa Middleton.



Still, this wedding has made weddings in general a big topic this week, and this blog wishes every happiness to all concerned.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kourtney & Khloe reveal secrets of Kim's wedding

Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! For the past few months, Kim has been the only Kardashian sister of interest to the supermarket rags, but OK! bring Khloe and Kourtney back on the cover... to talk about Kim's wedding. The headline reads:



Obsessing over everything from the gown to the guest list, Kim's family promises she'll have the perfect day.

There is also a sidebar about other celebs giving advice, with a picture of Kendra Wilkinson, the only other reality TV star in the top ten of gossip rag cover stories over the past two years.